“Learn to become still. And to take your attention away from what you don’t want, and all the emotional charge around it, and place your attention on what you wish to experience” - Michael Beckwith

This has become my mantra. Every time I find my thoughts gravitating towards negativity, I tell myself “Toni, learn to become still…” It centers me, but not without a lot of energy. Why does it take a lot of effort to get rid of negative thoughts? Is it because once you start thinking of one bad thing, it sucks you into what seems like a vortex of negativity?

Have you ever given so much of yourself and not get a single “thank you” for what you did for that person? Someone has been upsetting me very much recently. It hurts to be upset about her, but I cannot help it. I’ve learned not to expect gratitude anymore. I just do my part and help out as much as I can. These things add up over time though and frankly, it gets tiring. Sometimes I daydream of situations where I just bite her head off. Those daydreams multiply and before I know it, I’m exhausted just thinking of all those bad situations. Those mental what-if’s just zap the energy out of me.

I try catching myself now once I find myself teetering towards that bottomless pit of negativity. I remember Beckwith’s quote and try to take my attention away from what I don’t want, and place my attention on what I wish to experience. I believe there is good in everyone. I believe there is good in her. Her goodness is what I wish to experience, and I’ll continue to hope for a positive change in things. I’m no fool however. Maybe soon I won’t “learn to become still.” Instead, I’ll learn to move on. Who wants to be tied down to negative people anyway? A relationship is give-and-take, and to be the only one giving is draining me very much.

I will carry on with focusing on the positives I wish to experience. For now, I am still. It’s like a visioning exercise — see it, claim it, own it and it will be yours. Learn to become still and focus on that positive experience you desire to have. This vision of positivity will stop me from being sucked into that negativity vortex. This vision will help me learn to become still.

“Every choice you make and everything you do, you’re bound to disappoint somebody. All you can do is make sure you don’t disappoint the wrong person.”

Let’s talk about people we take for granted. Are they usually the ones who’ve been there so consistently for you that there are times you absentmindedly begin taking their kindness and presence for granted?

I’m not a big fan of forwarded quotes via SMS, but when I received the above quote, I felt I had to keep it. I clicked on “Save Message” and it’s been in my phone since. It reminds me of not getting too comfortable with my loved ones and companions to the point of assuming that they’ll just always be there for me.

It is easy to appreciate being cared for. It becomes difficult, however, when the acts of kindness towards you become so consistent that that perhaps they become just a system, a routine for you.

The lunch your household help prepares for you everyday? True, it may be part of her daily job, but it’s what sustains you through the afternoon. So before you go rolling your eyes at her for yet another baon of adobo and rice, how about saying thank you? Or expressing your desire for another kind of snack in a more polite way?

The curfew your parents extend for you every so often? True, you’ve been lucky the past few Friday nights, but don’t think they’ll say “yes” to your request all the time. Don’t throw a fit and be a drama queen when they tell you “no” for the next curfew request. It may not be wise to abuse their kindness.

The little sweet pasalubong your boyfriend brings you everytime you see each other? You may be tempted to go “Chocolates again?!” Ah, count your blessings that you’ve got someone who possesses such thoughtfulness. It may be lacking in the creativity department at times, but if his heart is in the giving, that’s what matters, right?

These are just some examples of the people who would be so easy to take for granted. They could be the ones who understand you best.

Watch your words and actions around your loved ones and companions. While it’s easy to enjoy their love and selflessness, be alert enough to know you’re not taking them for granted with misplaced words and actions. Care enough not to disappoint those who love and trust you, and those who you love and trust as well.

“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.”
- Cherie Carter-Scott

SELF-doubt is one of the biggest stumbling blocks to finding happiness within oneself. There have been many times when I felt I wasn’t strong enough, mature enough, intelligent enough, deserving of some things that came my way. Because of self-doubt, several opportunities have passed me by. Some opportunities I may have noticed whooshing past me, others may have just quietly retreated into the shadows of my self-doubt.

It may be confused with humility, which could be defined as accepting praise quietly or that sincere and silent feeling of self-worth. If you’re not careful though, it could quickly cross over into self-depreciation, feeling you have very little worth. Once you’re in the realm of self-doubt, the downward spiral begins. How do we avoid this stumbling block?

Self-respect is key. I could throw a gazillion cliche lines at you: “Believe in yourself.” “Love yourself.” “Trust your instincts.” Cliche they may be, but they work. They are true. The only way you can “undoubt” yourself is to have stronger self-conviction, to have a stronger sense of who you are. It is not easy, especially when you’re already sucked into the black hole of self-depreciation. But the ability to overcome self-doubt lies within you.

Talk to close friends and family. If believing in yourself is difficult, why not hear what your trusted peers and family members have to say? Think of the people in your life who have always stood by you, who have always supported you with their sincerity and their honesty. The last thing you need is a hypocrite pushing you on, so do turn to trusted loved ones. The people who’ve kept me from drowning in a sea of self-doubt have always been my parents and my husband. I am very thankful that their support is always sincere, always solid. Who are the people in your circle you believe can sincerely cheer you on?

Try exploring groups sharing your same interests. Let’s say you are doubting your skills as a photographer, that you don’t think you’re deserving of some offers coming your way. What if you join a hobby group and sharpen those skills? What if you build your confidence by learning from experts and from peers? Your progress will build your self-confidence, and you’ll begin trusting in your skills more.

Trust your instincts. You know that gnawing feeling in your gut when you feel something is or isn’t right? Does your pulse race when you’re convinced about something but don’t understand why? That could be your instincts telling you something. Listen to your instincts. Listen to that primal thing in you — it’s trying to tell you something. More often than not, it’s telling you to carry on, to trust in your choices. Listen to them more. Trust in them more.

Perhaps you’ve been burned in the past by wrong choices. Perhaps fear of the unknown is crippling you into moving forward. There will always be a reason to doubt yourself, but there are more reasons why you shouldn’t. It’s more difficult discovering reasons for the latter, but when you do find them, you will become a little bit wiser, your world will become a little bit bigger, and yes, “everything else is possible.”

“ALLOW yourself to feel,” my retreat master said. We were talking about buried emotions and listening to our heart’s whispers. “Name that emotion. Face it. Then move on,” she said.

Facing one’s emotions, especially when in deep anger or sadness, is a tough task. There have been many times that I turned to distractions, hoping that the negative feelings would fade away. Turned on the TV and got immersed in a series. Plugged in a video game. Blogged. Wrote. Ate. Slept. No matter how far I ran away from the feelings though, they always came back to haunt me.

I hate sadness. I hate feeling helpless, disconnected, hopeless. Who loves that anyway? But it’s only when I start acknowledging that I feel this way or that way that I can move on.

And so I share with you, as my retreat master shared with me, “Allow yourself to feel.”

Cry. Stomp your feet. Scream. Laugh. Express your emotions in a manageable way. Name the emotion. I’m feeling sad. I’m feeling angry. I’m feeling lonely. I’m feeling helpless. I’m indifferent.

When you acknowledge the feeling, moving on is easier. At least there are no tears swept under a rug, anger hidden behind curtains.

And then you’ll start to feel better. And then you’ll feel lighter. And hope isn’t as far off as you think.

THERE are a lot of quotes that can help push us to do better. Perhaps there are a million quotes that talk about going beyond your comfort zone, reaching for the stars, doing your best. Of those many quotes, a few will connect with you deeply. And those few that you gravitate to the most are the ones you will probably commit to memory.

This is the quotable quote that I always recall when I need a little booster:

“You can decide to be two types of people. You can be ordinary or you can be extraordinary. The only difference between those two words is extra. If you do extra, you can be extraordinary. If you don’t want an extraordinary life, just stop doing extra.” — Steve Harvey

Ordinary vs extraordinary. That one word isn’t only a five-letter difference, but one that creates a huge impact when acted on.

How have you become extraordinary today?

I KNOW that you know that every cloud has a silver lining, and that there is no day but today. That while the grass is greener on the other side, you’ll never know what’s missing till it’s gone. I’m sure you also know that a smile is a frown turned upside down, and that when you smile, the world smiles with you. You’ve tried and tried until you’ve achieved success, because you thought that if others can’t, why couldn’t you?

You have to admit that one can find solace in classic lines. Quotable quotes may sound absolutely cliche, but I’ve come to discover thirteen quotes that never fail to pull me out of the gutter. Perhaps they can help you when you need some picker-uppers too.

1. The quote for when you need to bring back focus on the blessings you have now or for thanksgiving. In other words, when you feel like the world is depriving you of goodness, you can center yourself with the quote below.

“I live in a space of thankfulness, and I have been rewarded a million times over for it. I started giving thanks for small things, and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased. That’s because what you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.”
– Oprah Winfrey

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SUBSCRIBING to newsletters with inspirational themes and quotes are great ways to remind myself to stay positive. Sometimes the deluge of reminders can be overwhelming though, and they end up looking like reflections of one another. And then there are times when a quote stands out, grabs your attention and puts you in reflective mode. That’s exactly what happened to me when I opened one of my daily e-mail from Oprah’s Mission Calendar Inspirations. The inspiration for the day was this beautiful quotation.

“People talk about the meaning of life; there is no meaning of life–there are lots of meanings of different lives, and you must decide what you want your own to be.”
– Joseph Campbell

It struck me. It was an epiphany. It was “Bahala ka sa buhay mo!” spun differently. Kidding aside, it really did stop me from working for about five minutes. The quote did its work: Reflective Mode ON.

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