Or The Audacity of Love
(Editor's note: Noel Bautista is Papa to Nicole, who is
turning 17. Noel calls himself "an accidental migrant" in
Dearest Nicole,
Terminal, chronic presumptuousness is an ailment that is
very hard to recover from, as the name of the condition implies, and
especially as regards your unica hija.
I labor under the misimpression that you will heed the
counsel of the years, my counsel, no matter how flawed it is, and that
despite the many mistakes I have made in my life, you will find it worth
your time to listen to your old man.
One caveat though: On the subject I am about to
rant and rave, I am no expert, in fact I have stumbled, risen, and stumbled
again, many times over. I have only the benefit of committing the same errors
enough times to know that you learn only through your mistakes, and that the
race goes not to the one who runs the fastest, but to the one who keeps on
running.
** ** ** *
I cannot emphasize enough what I say here now: Love is a
powerful thing, it's not just a romantic platitude to say that Love
makes the world go round. It is a primeval, elemental force that all the
wisest men in the world have not even begun to understand. It is like a potent
talisman that unleashes tremendous power to a prudent user, but wreaks havoc to
those who do not learn to harness its awesome strength.
Look anak, I'm not trying to be vague, pahocus-pocus
sounding, or purposely trying to conjure obscure images of otherworldly powers.
Love is very real, and very definitely life-changing. It literally creates and
shapes destinies before our very eyes, so fundamentally that we take it for
granted and are largely unaware of it.
By posing just three questions that have heretofore always
remained at the back of your mind but which you've been itching to ask, I can
show you how Love is related to almost all of them.
Probably the most obvious is: Despite the love that
existed between your mother and me for many years, why did it not survive
beyond your adolescence, for all its vaunted longevity and intensity?
The gift of love that has been generated and nurtured
between two people is not enough to accept and allow its existence. To borrow
from Peter Parker's Uncle Ben: With great love comes great responsibility.
You have to recognize that--especially after the honeymoon phase of a
relationship--you progress from the stage of being in love with
to loving a person. I'm not saying your mother and I didn't do
this, probably we just didn't do it long enough. For that I am truly sorry.
One good lesson though that we can cull from that is: Just because
one and the other are destined to be together does not mean they will live
happily ever after. In fact, a declaration (and affirmation) of love often
signals the start of an adventure in dedicating one's life for your loved one.
I go to the second question you seem to have asked me in
gestures and in phrases. Given his rather reckless adventures in romance,
is your brother not loving too much, or too hard?
You may laugh at my response, but I think it may be the
opposite. What he truly loves, he cannot possess. And to compensate
for this, he turns to those companionships that will not reject him. Do you
know what I mean? Rather than being rejected by what he considers pure, noble,
and ideal, he prefers to dwell within the comfort zone of those who will accept
him.
It sounds trite but it is often true. Men offer love for
intimacy, while women provide intimacy in return for what they perceive is
love. While women learn early enough not to extend expectations based on
this reality, men take a little longer. But then again, for some reason, women,
who I submit are smarter than men, seem to have a blind spot in matters of the
heart. Both for your and my peace of mind, I sincerely hope you learn from the
mistakes of your parents and heed the lessons of history.
On that note, you should probably just give your brother a
little more time.
Which brings us to a third question, which you have asked in
many forms: If it comes to such a point, do I follow my head or my heart,
when I feel like falling in love with someone?
The only way I can answer such a query (which I hope doesn't
translate to reality in the near future) is notwithstanding all the fear
generated in me (and most probably your mother as well), I go so far as to say
this: If you dare to love someone whom you feel in your heart of hearts
deserves such love, you will not regret it. Scary words from a scared dad,
but engraved in stone. Ironically, not all the purest and noblest intentions
will assure that you will have made the right choice. For in matters of love,
who can tell, until the day we die, whether or not we have made the right
choice?
** ** ** **
What I'm trying to say, anak, I guess is that you
should not deny yourself the discovery of Life that Love makes possible, but at
the same time not be overwhelmed by the crests and troughs of the rollercoaster
that is Love. It is one of the truly defining experiences of our existence, but
it comes at a great price: Love consumes you, and if you allow it to
do so, it overcomes you pitilessly, remorselessly, till you are but an empty
shell.
If I sound too passionate about a subject, it is only
because I know the time is soon coming when you will fall in love. At least,
you can fall back on your father's feeble words.
Promise you'll tell me if and when you do fall in love, OK?
I just want to see the guy. Grrr.
I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter like you, I
love you and I miss you always.
Please kiss sabay hug your bros for me OK? Happy Valentine's
Day!
Papa
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Nicole has turned 17 and her dad Noel Bautista is writing his “love letter” for her on the eve of Valentine’s Day. It is so sweet to read such a letter. Noel is really worried about his teenaged daughter. Time has come for her to fall in love. He is aware of the consequences and the advantages of being in love and giftfantasies. He cites various examples to tell her how love can flourish in various ways. He loves his daughter a lot.
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It sounds trite but it is often true. Men offer love for intimacy, while women provide intimacy in return for what they perceive is love. While women learn early enough not to extend expectations based on this reality, men take a little longer. But then again, for some reason, women, who I submit are smarter than men, seem to have a blind spot in matters of the heart. Both for your and my peace of mind, I sincerely hope you learn from the mistakes of your parents and heed the lessons of history. cheap lion king tickets Thanks for sharing.
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