By Philip C. Yan
pcyjourneyhome.blogspot.com
Editor's Note: Philip Angel Casado Yan, 62, died on December 24, 2009. This piece was among his last blog posts, dated September 19 and 20, 2009.
I came to the United States in 1987, 22 years ago. All this time, I celebrated my "Filipinohood," but never cherished it. I assimilated easily into the American lifestyle.
I enjoy cheeseburgers and apple pie. I watch every sport covered by a three-letter association or league--NBA, NFL, PGA, MLB, and sometimes, even WWF. I drive an automatic. Garden barbecues are not uncommon.
I watch July 4th fireworks every year. I visit San Francisco and San Diego and other vacation spots. I vote. I pay my taxes (sometimes, just in the nick of time).
I used to contribute to SSI and Medicare; now I draw Medicare. I maintain my health insurance plan. I pay my car registration and renew my license and passport on time.
I know how to use the Thomas Guide (lately replacing my Thomas Guidebook with a GPS). I know what to do when I hear a sig alert (traffic accident advisory). I know when the best shopping days are.
In short, I'm probably more American than some Americans.
Yet, after all this time, I feel incomplete. I have regrets I will never be able to shake. I have too much unfinished business to ever catch up. I have almost forgotten what it means to be Filipino: To suffer the stifling heat while riding in a jeepney, breathing in diesel-laden air that makes collars turn almost black along the edges; to walk along the edge of Manila Bay in Luneta at sunset; to tread my way up Session Road in Baguio, without getting tired; to enjoy a stick of pork barbecue in Baclaran's barbecue plaza; to buy and enjoy taho from an itinerant vendor.
To sit in a coffee shop the whole morning with nominal compadres, drinking cup after cup of coffee and smoking "blue seal" Winstons, talking politics and solving the country's problems; to call everyone "Pare" or "Mare."
Is Manila still home for me? Or is home for me where I now live and breathe?
That, I guess, is part of the journey--to know where my home is...because there I will find my heart.
This is a long journey I am starting. It will wind through thought and emotion, through the world around me. It will wake my senses because I must write down everything I sense, every thought, every impulse. It is only with a concentrated effort to open my mind and heart to everything around me, because amid the flowers and flotsam, I will find my way home.
Where is home?
Before I can really begin my journey home, I must ask myself: Where is home?
For 22 years I have lived here in the US. Like many Pinoys, I have taken a few trips back to Manila.
But why do many Filipinos ask--when talking about upcoming vacations--"Uuwi ka ba?" And why is the reply always "Uwi ako sa amin?"
Home is where the heart is. And I have learned, after all this time, that my heart is--and has always been--in the Philippines.
In my mind, I still go to Araneta Coliseum for the NCAA games. I still go to Aristocrat for pork barbecue, La Cibeles for chocolate y churros and Ferino's for bibingka. I still hear mass at the Ateneo College chapel in Loyola Heights and pray novenas at St. Jude's near Malacañang.
Kuh Ledesma, Sharon Cuneta, Martin Nievera and his father Bert, Rico J., Joey Albert--they and many others sang tunes that still ring in my ears. The mere thought of Dolphy makes me smile.
I still remember the row of stores in front of Stella Maris--Mercury Drug, Commander Drug, Ma Mon Luk, Robina rotisserie chicken, the Chinese-owned watch and jewelry store, and Aguinaldo's. I remember jeepney rides, but at that time there were two "sizes"--the ACs and the PUJs.
I remember JD, MD, and CAM transit--three bus lines owned by the same family and garaged on Aurora Boulevard close to the 15th Avenue corner. Remember City Cab--owned by the family of a school mate--which used Mercedes Benzes for their taxis?
And the theaters we frequented--State, Avenue, Galaxy, Universal, Cinerama. The hotels--Intercon in Makati, and Bayview, Holiday Inn, Hyatt Regency, and Manila Hotel among others along Roxas Boulevard. My favorite restaurants haunt my memory and my taste buds--Casa Marcos, Aristocrat, Wa Nam, Milky Way, Mingging's, Brown Derby, Savory, Max's, Cafe Esperanza.
And, of course the people--my people. Laughing, playing, crying, loving, and living with passion and zeal. With unbridled hope, and a never-ending belief that the best is yet to come.
As my days wind down, I think and wonder "Did I leave my paradise for whatever I now have? Was it worth it? Did I do right to leave?" Sometimes I wonder...oftentimes I feel pangs of regret.
Did I leave home?
The Philippines will always be home for me. It's just so happened that our local politicians had to muck up & steal the coffers of our country giving no choice to some of our countrymen but to leave & seek better opportunities abroad.
The Philippines is still home to a lot of kababyans here in North America. To say that we have adopted the American lifestyle is only on the surface. We all still cook Sinigang and Adobo whenever we can. If the situation permits. we'd rather eat kamayan style than use utensils. And it is also true that we use bathroom tissue to wipe clean the toilet bowl rim after every use, to clean ourselves we use a dipper.
Coming home to the Philippines is always the most exciting reward of our labor here. Days before the trip home, we see to it that pasalubongs are in order. There is no word to describe the "feeling" of touchdown at NAIA knowing you've arrived to this special place we all call Home.
I and my family will be in the country in a week's time. True, we have left the Philippines but it is still HOME for us. Being an American citizen is only a way of life. In our hearts, we will still be Filipinos. My children, though attending schools and being raised in America, still speak the Filipino language (Not Slang), and eat saluyot, malunggay, monggo, talong, kangkong, etc. (thanks to the very diligent Filipino Store owner). I can hardly wait til we touch down in Philippine soil. Lastly I want to congratulate Noynoy. May God's guidance be with you always as you lead our motherland. God Bless the Philippines!!!
I may have made a mistake in immigrating to U.S. 4 years ago leaving my senior managerial job and comfortable life here in Manila. My thought then was a land of milk and honey with many job opportunities as what many balikbayan relatives will tell us here when they go on vacation. Unfortunately, what I had experienced was a cultural shock on the U.S. culture of permissiveness, immorality, discrimination and worst the economic recession because of greed. I still considered my stay in the U.S. a very good spiritual experience on humility, perseverance and surrendering. Having worked in the area of customer service I had taken a deeper look on the American psyche with mixture of racial cultures, religions etc. Fortunately with FAITH in God I was able to come back and was able to get back my career. Besides I wouldn't like myself to end up in a Home for the aged or Homestead for the elders which Americans usually end up. As we all say there is no place like home. We are blessed with God fearing people. In America they steal and kill for fun here Filipinos steal because they are hungry. Here we are not treated as 2nd class citizen. It is really the political leaders that made things worst for Pinoys. Hope Noynoy could improve a bit the people who are now in poverty through discipline and hardwork.
I am a Manila boy expatriate. I have lived more than half of my life in Ole USA. U.S. economy drew my "isang kahig, isang tuka" life out of the doldrums of living in Pinas, no relief in sight, no release from oppressive, decadent government, and economy. I have been assimilated in American mainstream. In short I am Americanized, my children and grand children, in culture, custom, and habits. In spite of my assimilation into the American mainstream, in my heart I am a Pinoy. Whenever I digress away from home, any where I wander, any where I roam, there is no place like home, in Pinas.
I am not a US Immigrant or Naturalized US Citizen but I am also an expat in the Middle East. We all basically have the same experiences living abroad, far away from our homeland. While I enjoy eating Arabic food, I still long for our common street foods such as banana que, fish balls, kikiam, and best of all, ISAW na manok or baboy. While I am amused by the colorful sights and eccentric sounds of the Arabian culture, I still find myself logging on the internet and "google-ing" for the skyscrapers of Makati and Ortigas, the Baywalk, the beaches of Boracay and many other scenic spots in the country. It is true indeed that you can always take out the Filipino from the Philippines but you can never remove the Philippines from a Filipino. There can only be one place I can call home. Mahal ko ang Pilipinas!
Interesting post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for posting
prepaid legal
Yes, you did leave home! Duh?
Play some online strip poker - it'll sharpen you up!
One of the beutiful paces i have seen.
oyun
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