Being a mommy is tough and there are times I thought I would lose my sanity because of it. But call me idealistic because from personal experience, motherhood has allowed me to soar and grow beyond my crusty shell.
Just the other week, I was watching a businessman mentally dismiss me because I had stepped back from the exhilarating world of journalism for a while to become a stay-at-home mom. The image of my favorite author Lu Hanessian came to mind, when, caught in the same situation she muttered to herself, “Hey, I know the stock market is up and your fly is down!” I just barely caught myself telling the guy the same thing.
Mothers have specific needs and specific strengths. Let’s dissect some of those with the help of the NSCB’s Statistically Speaking column written this time by Jessamyn O. Encarnacion.
There are more males than females in the Philippines. Most households are headed by men and there are more widows than widowers: 3 widowed women for every widowed man.I always thought there were more women in the Philippines! I was in a UNICEF meeting a few months ago and we all assumed that there were more females than males. Apparently this is not true.
The number of hours spent by women for housework was, on the average, twice as much as by men…The NSCB has received renewed calls to value women’s household work. If unpaid housework and family care were counted as productive output in our national accounts, measures of gross national outputs would of course, increase.Consider that when trying to compute insurance needs for the family. Don’t just compute the loss of income, but also the cost of childcare if something happens to the mother.
The 2000 census data show that there are proportionately more females than males who attained higher levels of education: 23 percent of women compared to 21 percent of men have post secondary or higher education…With education and training, women could step beyond the confines of marriage and motherhood.”I totally agree with this statement except the part that labeled motherhood and marriage as confines or shackles.
In 2003, female-headed households had average per capita income higher than male-headed households - P45,020 compared to only P29,372... women-headed households spent an average of P1,729 on education and P963 on medical services for each member of the household. Male-headed households...spent only P958 and P524 on education and health, respectively.In short, women do better financially than men? A year ago, I sked 50 couples who handles money in their household. Twenty-nine men out of 50 said they live on allowance given to them by wifey because they hand over every single centavo from their paycheck. Yep, some of those surveyed were CEOs! Cool, eh? Financial experts believe that women’s unique characteristics make them better investors than men. But these also make them vulnerable at times to fear, insecurities, and difficulty in starting to put their financial life in order. Ruth Hayden, author of "How to Turn Your Life Around: The Money Book For Women" says this financial paralysis is more common than people think. "Men jump in fast. Women often just don't jump," Hayden says. However, once women do get started, their characteristics like patience, tenacity, and pragmatism make women better investors than men. "Women have an intuitive sense. They are practical and understand that things work in stages and are therefore comfortable with volatility. And once they're in the market, they'll stay put," Hayden says. Women are also more collaborative and sharing by nature. In the United States, the average women’s investment club outperforms the average men’s investment club. Professor Hersh Shefrin, Professor of Finance at Santa Clara University in California and author of Beyond Greed and Fear: Understanding Behavioral Finance and the Psychology of Investing, believes that a good way for women to make the most of the market is to study and play it together. “The golden key to women's financial success may rest in treating investing like a guy treats baseball: an excuse to get together, peer into the game, and hoot and holler when the right flick of a wrist, trajectory of a ball--or rise of the market--is realized,” he says. Women need to get their own bank account for their own savings, first and foremost. They need a reasonable allowance that they can spend when and how they want (no questions asked), whether or not they work outside the home or a full-time stay at home mom. They need to be prepared with skills they can use in case something happens to their husbands (whether its an accident, sickness or infidelity) because women generally live longer than men. They need to have a good medical insurance since there are far too many women-specific diseases due to their special kind of plumbing. They need to get a good life insurance policy that should consider the cost of child-care in case something happens to them. That’s not to say they don’t have responsibilities. Because they are the ones paying the bills, they need to be transparent where and when the money goes. Always discuss investments and other financial issues first, with recommendations, before plunking hard-earned money into anything. The general rule is transparency and fairness, which, when followed, will allow women to handle all their roles without feeling empty, fearful and insecure. (Source of photo below: AFP)
Thanks for this article. Now I am more eager than ever to start investing on something. ;)
wow... i really thought there were more women than men.
anyway, a belated happy mother's day to all mothers out there.
Hi Salve, let's divert again on a topic oh-so-close to my experience: celebrity minors, stageparents and money. Based on anectodal evidence mothers seem to be more prone than fathers when it comes to losing their wards' earnings, usually at the malls. :D In my case my dad managed my money (though my mom was equally responsible financially), he sincerely felt accountable to me, and my persistence in keeping my investments from my TV show is out of gratitude to the favor he's done for me. BTW it's back to P 1.4-M again, and the stock market's testing the 3,447 all-time high :)
I'd suppose moms in entertainment tend to go through a longer, more complex emotional maze compared to their male counterparts who tend to be more stone-faced and intent on discharging their responsibilities. But once it's overcome, I'm quite sure the moms could do at least as well as the dads as fiduciaries. Conversely there's also the occasional irresponsible father relying on mother and child for sustenance, which is really unfortunate.
Now Salve if you can ask Dolly Anne Carvajal on this hehehe :D
------------
PS Biologically there are slightly more men than women (sperm count evidence I suppose), but in turn women live longer than men. Food for thought.
There are more males but some are gays that's why we have impressions that female outnumbers the male :-) If you went to a cockpit arena, billiard halls and basketball court you will see a lot of male :-)
I have seen it with my mom because she was able to bring us 6 children professionally. And even she is 70 yeras old, she is so busy with her real state business. I wonder where gets the energy. Though , still we have not received our shraes....she is still living!
I am in my early fifties. When I was a boy, if a wife mentioned that her husband was holding the money, she would be immediately asked if her husband was Chinese. The presumption was that the wife was expected to be in charge of the couple's money. A mark of a good husband was a man who went home straight from work and who gave his entire paycheck to his wife, pay envelope unopened. The wife was supposed to give her husband his daily 'baon'. This was certainly the practice of my parents and I suspect, the practice of my married siblings. This was the concrete application of the part of the wedding ceremony where the arrhae are handed over to the bride. This handover is not a practice among Americans.
I am a Tagalog and I have never been able to find out if this - the wife holds the money - was the tradition among other Filipino groups as well.
Can anyone help? I am feeling very low right now. My earning capacity is more than my husband's.While I am thankful and I feel empowered, I cannot help but feel used and abused. Is this how a female OFW feel? I am not an OFW but I cannot help but think how many Filipina women out there feel like I do? A mother to all and wife to none. Thanks
hi sarah, the first barrier to investing is mind-set, then knowledge. Now that you've felt that inner prickings to start investing, you have to start digging and digging for information. I hope MoneySmarts can help you on that :-)
hi qwerty, me too! pero sabi nga ni kobe marami ding bading. I don't quite know what that means in terms of personal finance..hmm. might be a good topic for MoneySmarts :-)
hello hachiko, thats a great idea. i should ask dolly anne to guest post sometime!
hi grace, my heart goes out to you. I understand how you feel. If your husband is like most men, he hates it too. Is he grumpy and do you feel like he is not grateful for all that you do? Taking you for granted? Why is it that you bring in the money and yet still get to do most of the housework?
I have seen a lot of couples go through the same thing, and what I have found out is that men hide behind these attitude because they feel vulnerable and threatened due to their lower income. In any society (except perhaps in Africa among the lions!), people put the sexes within a box of expectations and the gender divide is most felt in the level of income each is supposed to have. Here is what worked for some couple I know: regularly have a good long talk, say an hour, with your partner. Discuss how you are going to pay for bills to show that this is a partnership even if you are the money bag and not him. The idea is as you go through the motions of equal partnership, you can dispel fears about losing control and having less say because of less income. THAT is usually at the core of most marital tension, the feeling that the person with more money has more control.
Please feel free to ask if you have more questions. I am thinking of making this into a full-blown topic and getting more financial planners to address your concerns.
salve and kobe: i don't know about that. i don't have the numbers but my impression's that most babies born these days are female.
as for gays however, i know this is a little bit off topic but me and my officemates from a previous company once had a conversation as to why it was quite noticeable that a good number of them make it big financially. might be an interesting topic here i think.
hi salve, I'll also suggest Inq's Nestor Torre to comment on my post above. And in turn they could invite to moneysmarts stagemommies who find finances their Waterloo and too shy to ask help. Hey, how often do you get a blogger who kept P 300k from TV and turned it to over P 1.4M in 8.5 years?
Traditional gender roles also factor in any "moms vs dads" finance debate. Here's a typical discussion between stageparent and celeb child: STAGEMOM - work hard so we can help papa. STAGEPOP - keep your money, I could provide for your needs. (yup, that's pride as haligi ng tahanan :D ) But seriously, there's a lot at stake when it comes to minors entering the very adult world of entertainment, and moneysmarts could be of help to them. Thanks!
Denny, Ariz, my roots are in Southern Luzon and I saw this situation all the time. Interestingly enough, in the age of hunting and gathering, men may have done most of the hunting but women were in charge of pulling together 60% of the family's needs -- roots, vegetables, fruits, shelter etc. So, I dont really think women as main breadwinners really go against our DNA.
hachiko, that would be a good guestpost -- stagemoms vs stagepops. i would even try for a podcast. do you want to be our host? that is, hoping you would do it pro bono :D. im pretty sure we cant afford your talent fee!
hi salve oks w/ me pro bono but I havent done a podcast ever. If ever pls take care of arrangements, guest commentators, and especially the eyeballs (read: show's cancelled kung wala audience :D ). Co-host tayo para wala ako bloopers. And let's stick to the topic of entertainment industry finances at baka tayo maging Dollywood :D E-mail me in case it's all in place. Thanks!
Hi Denny. yeah, traditionally, the wife handles the money and do the budgeting and this is the case with my parents but things have changed and many couples are now both working. I know some couple divide the household expenses (i.e., husband pays the rent, schooling and wife pays takes care of groceries, etc.). In our case, we have separate accounts, separate checkbooks, separate creditcards and we keep it confidential too. My husband has never handed over his salary/ATM to me so I also do not divulge mine. He hasn't even shown me his payslip. Our friends think it's weird. I really don't mind but I still hope that one day we'll manage our finances the traditional way ;)
hachiko, salve - that's a good idea. We actually did a "similar" seminar/talk with PBA players (can they be considered part of the entertainment industry?) before? They actually appreciated it. Some took action, some are still back to their old ways. Those who did earned a very good return on their investment. Now, one of these players keeps on convincing the others after they saw Eugene Tejada got injured. maybe the dynamics are the same with the showbiz industry.
So I guess if there's someone from within who will encourage them, there will be more people who can be better educated on personal finance. = )
Great article, Salve! Very important point re: considering childcare cost in computing insurance needs, and I love that you call out against confines/shackles in reference to marriage and motherhood. :-)
"Why is it that you bring in the money and yet still get to do most of the housework?"
There's this tv ad I really hate. Pang-instant pancit canton ata yon. Pagod na pagod si mommy from work and when she gets home, nakaupo sa mesa ang mag-aama niya, nakasimangot ang asawa, tumingin pa sa relo. The dining table is empty. Pagod na galing sa trabaho pero si mommy pa rin ang magluluto ng hapunan. Haay.
wow flexy, thanks for the encouragement. I am really beginning to like this idea =)
nailbiter: yey, itaas ang bandila ng mga nanay! seriously, although it can be really tough at times, motherhood is a struggle that i will willingly go through again =). i think personal finance topics for mommies are really important too.
Hi salve I'll look forward to what's next, podcast, blog entry here, up to you (I'll be abroad this coming week, though)
Yup flexy the same savings / investment dynamics work for entertainers and professional athletes - all that sudden wealth demanding that they take a quick crash course on money matters.
But the need for such counseling becomes more interesting in the case of children or teens. Fame and celebrity is such an expirable asset, it demands that earnings be saved and invested until adulthood, and you're totally dependent on the parent to discharge the highest degree of FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITY. Failure to do so can lead to a nasty blind item in the tabloids :D
So stagemom has to figure out that minors have 10+ years' investment horizon, low liquidity needs and high risk tolerance, all pointing to equity or balanced fund investments similar to what I did. And figure it out for a client who can't even add 10 + 10, tee hee hee :D
PS Congratulations to everyone who profited from the stock market's all-time high - 3,449.60!
It is said that a woman is the pillar of the house and the man the roof. Whether it is in Philippines or some other parts of the world a man and woman shoulders same type of responsibilities unless of course if some groups of people practice matriarchal families. Women are known to be spendthrifts but I feel this concept is completely implicated in a false way. Why woman should be given the responsibility is that a woman can keep account or question about a penny spent but a man doing so wouldn't sound good. A woman can handle financial responsibilities better since she knows the expenses in her home, in and out, once given the responsibility she can prove her worth and most homes do that.
Fisher Island Homes