I recently got married (February this year). And like Dan, I did have issues. It’s just a matter of adjustments and discussing all the expectations, and I mean ALL, from waking up to going to sleep.
My wife currently works. But when we do get kids (after a year or so), we want her, if possible, to be a stay-at-home mom, and maybe doing something home based later. Times are hard. Every peso counts. And for a marriage to work out, it does not matter who brings home the (bigger) bacon.

It’s true that these days life is so difficult, and inorder to make ends meet for the family, wife too would be helping bring home the beacon, but the wife should not prioritize career over family. Wife should see to it that her time should readily be available anytime for the children.

I am a wife and mother I get to bring home the bacon. I feel blessed to be able to do this for my family and will not mind doing this for as long as I can. I am also blessed with a very supportive husband who has decided to set aside the business he was running (at the rate it was going it was already burning a hole in our pockets) and opted to be a full time father to our 2 children. When we get to end of the line ,hopefully he and I will be both blissfully retired, and will reap the benefits of our wonderful teamwork that has allowed us to enjoy work , home and family only because we did not make a big deal on who brought home the bacon. Does it matter who the Lord blesses with the professional success when in fact He does not see us as individuals but sees us as one UNIT - the FAMILY. So whether He blesses the mother or the father with success , bottom line it is the Family that is the recipient of His blessing

i married very late … at the age of 38 for a different reason other than financial. I’ll skip the reason why only at 38 but at the age of 32 i was financially ready na pumasok sa magulo at masayang daigdig ng pag aasawa. I worked all my life overseas and my wife do not have to work. She can do all her shopping with no complaints at all from my side. And in some of my assignments overseas, kasama ko family. Everything changed when we migrate here in canada. They said life here is easy…. well, i say otherwise ..hehehe. My wife now MUST work …. else we will default on our mortgage…bill payments..etc etc. The good thing is she does not complain. She’s vey much happy to help out with the gastusin and forgot altogether about shopping hehehe.. Luckily, in all my overseas assignments before canada, i managed to invests back in the philippines which will be our retirement.

i’m about to celebrate 1 year of married life, early thirties here and DINKY

enjoying life and quite comfortable. I bring home the “bigger bacon” but my wifey’s not so far behind. Good thing is that we can control our spending with money to save even if we’re paying for our car and future home plus the quite frequent travels

Does not matter who brings home the bacon, just as it does not matter that I kept my own surname after the marriage. After all, we BOTH make all the decisions and pull our own respective weights. On one hand, the traditional stay-at-home wife may appeal to some. But there is just something empowering about turning the tables around and saying, “Well, I can now afford to keep husband.” or “…not to have a husband.” I can take very well take care of myself, thank you. That I bring home the (bigger) bacon is a testament how far women have come — I surely do not mind.

Guys,

Just a word of advice…

“…Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed…”

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World-

I work because I feel I’m going to go insane at home My mom is also a working woman. I don’t have a baby yet but I will surely spend quality time with my baby when I already have one.

Another reason why I work is to be a financially independent woman.

It depends on how much bacon is being brought home If a single income is enough for the whole family’s lifestyle eh di ok. If not, the other spouse needs to help.
With regards to fancy-weddings-then-broke-after-the-honeymoon thingie, what many couples don’t realize is that money can be a deal breaker in a marriage. Love simply don’t cut it when things like bills, mortgages or tuition needs to be paid
Okay okay maybe I am just being cynical :))

for now i’ll go for B, in the future, E

here’s another blog post which pretty much summarizes it for me — http://marriage.families.com/blog/bringing-home-the-bacon

and here’s a couple of lines I lifted from that post which pretty much sums up my thoughts on this :

“there’s no reason in the world that couples with dual careers do not succeed admirably. The problem is more with perception than anything else.”

“Marriage is a balancing act of internal and external commitments. Whether you work outside the home or inside it, couples establish their roles in a variety of ways.”

and just like most things in life, nothing beats teamwork. and key to achieving teamwork is understanding AND giving due respect to each and everyones role

my two cents worth

DB, i can totally relate!

i also kept my maiden name and people always wonder about it. I end up telling them that there is no law that states a woman should use her husband’s surname after marriage. And, of course, my husband does not mind. We find it amusing, in fact. Although if he did object i would respect his wishes. As i expect he would respect my wishes if we have any issues.

Sadly i do not earn more than him as yet. But i would surely want to. Not just to feel as an equal but as most liberated (and practical) women will attest to: Never ever be economically dependent on a man.

I would stay home though if the situation would warrant me to do so, that is when the kids are involved…

the husband, i love your blog! thanks for sharing your thoughts. it’s good that you have totally discussed everything between the two of you. the whole point is awareness, even before the knot is tied. here’s a related question, though: have you guys talked about who is going to handle the money?

ronan, that’s a really good plan. i like the way you said it too. it might even be helpful to clarify what kind of situations warrant “staying home with the children” or “gong to work”. i had a phase like this. Does a 38 degrees Celsius fever, for example, mean wife should not go to work, no matter what? what about a school play? a PTA meeting? A choral presentation? The particulars will keep you sane when work becomes VERY demanding…

Emma, way to go. If only more couples could see relationships the way you do :-). Was this the first business your husband tried to go into?

robert, sorry to hear about that. what a blessing that your wife is willing and prepared to work when the family needed her to work!

budget travel philippines, good for the two of you and belated congratulations on your wedding! that means when I started MoneySmarts, you were a newlywed. cool.

DB, wisely said. I’m sure you also know that some men mind, and that we women don’t have to be cowed by that. At the end of the day, what’s important is that we can all push the cart along when the need arises, right? I have advised some couples about money issues and find that many Filipino men are still very “patriarchal” and while they think of themselves are “modern” beings, they still want women to be a part of their “kingdom” hehe.

ldsguy, i love that proclamation

troy, i’m very curious. Are you a he or a she?

C_A, thank you for the link. it’s a very interesting website. i agree with everything you said

G, thanks for the input. That was also a decision I had to make — whether to carry my maiden name or not. It was too long, though, and at the end of the day, it didn’t matter to anymore :).