(File photo from AFP)
a) Who has the big muscles? Of course, it should be the husband. The wife should stay home with the kids.
b) Do you live in the middle ages? Women can and should have equal rights to work outside the home. Brawn is no longer the world’s currency. Brain is.
c) Husband: There are no opportunities for me out there. Wifey has the upper hand in the labor market. I can stay home and take care of the kids.
d) Wife: I want to work but I am kept home against my will.
e) We are having the time of our lives. We are in business together.
f) Should this be an issue at all?
Globally, the definition and boundaries of the traditional family are in flux. There was a time when there were only two choices: for the wife to work or not. But the changes have opened many options to couples. Which is the ideal? Which is the reality? Which is true in your family?
I’m a traditional gal. I still think a mother should stay home with the children. Quantity time and not just quality time, matters. When the husband comes home from a stressful day at the office, her mind is more capable of understanding his need for comfort and quiet strength. Being stressed out from the demands of a career makes it tough to provide that kind of refuge for a spouse. On the flipside, when the wife is stressed due to motherhood, he has the objectivity to help deal with the issues.
But reality bites hard. Many families cannot make do with a single income these days. Many seek careers to prove their worth. A career that takes someone to other countries brings special challenges, too. Many wives decide to take up jobs for many other reasons.
I don’t stand in judgment for those who do. I assume that all couples are doing all they can to provide well for their families and give them both quantity and quality time the best way they know how. We don’t live in a box. Technology makes sure our boxes can give a hug. (huggie emoticon here)
It will be a mistake for would-be couples not to have a serious talk about this before saying “I do.” The financial issues in tying the knot can and do ruin many couple’s “happily ever afters.” Hats off to the lucky few who are able to work it out.
So before you walk down the isle and look into her or his eyes, look inside yourself for answers to your financial readiness questions.
Our personal finance article today “Before you say goodbye to bachelorhood” answers a reader’s question:
Question: My girlfriend and I have been together for the past four years. We’d like to get married, of course, but when I think about the financial responsibility looming before me (e.g., have a big wedding, book a nice honeymoon spot, build a house, raise kids, etc.), I get overwhelmed. I only make enough for my lifestyle now. How can I support a family? What do you think should a bachelor prepare for financially before thinking of marriage? - Dan
Read the article for more tips on how to know if you’re financially ready for marriage and why debt and budgeting are big issues for those who will soon say “I do.”
Cheers!
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:57 am
Guys,
Just a word of advice…
“…Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed…”
-The Family: A Proclamation to the World-
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:23 am
Does not matter who brings home the bacon, just as it does not matter that I kept my own surname after the marriage. After all, we BOTH make all the decisions and pull our own respective weights. On one hand, the traditional stay-at-home wife may appeal to some. But there is just something empowering about turning the tables around and saying, “Well, I can now afford to keep husband.” or “…not to have a husband.” I can take very well take care of myself, thank you. That I bring home the (bigger) bacon is a testament how far women have come — I surely do not mind.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:16 am
i’m about to celebrate 1 year of married life, early thirties here and DINKY
enjoying life and quite comfortable. I bring home the “bigger bacon” but my wifey’s not so far behind. Good thing is that we can control our spending with money to save even if we’re paying for our car and future home plus the quite frequent travels
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 am
i married very late … at the age of 38 for a different reason other than financial. I’ll skip the reason why only at 38 but at the age of 32 i was financially ready na pumasok sa magulo at masayang daigdig ng pag aasawa. I worked all my life overseas and my wife do not have to work. She can do all her shopping with no complaints at all from my side. And in some of my assignments overseas, kasama ko family. Everything changed when we migrate here in canada. They said life here is easy…. well, i say otherwise ..hehehe. My wife now MUST work …. else we will default on our mortgage…bill payments..etc etc. The good thing is she does not complain. She’s vey much happy to help out with the gastusin and forgot altogether about shopping hehehe.. Luckily, in all my overseas assignments before canada, i managed to invests back in the philippines which will be our retirement.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I am a wife and mother I get to bring home the bacon. I feel blessed to be able to do this for my family and will not mind doing this for as long as I can. I am also blessed with a very supportive husband who has decided to set aside the business he was running (at the rate it was going it was already burning a hole in our pockets) and opted to be a full time father to our 2 children. When we get to end of the line ,hopefully he and I will be both blissfully retired, and will reap the benefits of our wonderful teamwork that has allowed us to enjoy work , home and family only because we did not make a big deal on who brought home the bacon. Does it matter who the Lord blesses with the professional success when in fact He does not see us as individuals but sees us as one UNIT - the FAMILY. So whether He blesses the mother or the father with success , bottom line it is the Family that is the recipient of His blessing