(File photo from AFP)
a) Who has the big muscles? Of course, it should be the husband. The wife should stay home with the kids.
b) Do you live in the middle ages? Women can and should have equal rights to work outside the home. Brawn is no longer the world’s currency. Brain is.
c) Husband: There are no opportunities for me out there. Wifey has the upper hand in the labor market. I can stay home and take care of the kids.
d) Wife: I want to work but I am kept home against my will.
e) We are having the time of our lives. We are in business together.
f) Should this be an issue at all?
Globally, the definition and boundaries of the traditional family are in flux. There was a time when there were only two choices: for the wife to work or not. But the changes have opened many options to couples. Which is the ideal? Which is the reality? Which is true in your family?
I’m a traditional gal. I still think a mother should stay home with the children. Quantity time and not just quality time, matters. When the husband comes home from a stressful day at the office, her mind is more capable of understanding his need for comfort and quiet strength. Being stressed out from the demands of a career makes it tough to provide that kind of refuge for a spouse. On the flipside, when the wife is stressed due to motherhood, he has the objectivity to help deal with the issues.
But reality bites hard. Many families cannot make do with a single income these days. Many seek careers to prove their worth. A career that takes someone to other countries brings special challenges, too. Many wives decide to take up jobs for many other reasons.
I don’t stand in judgment for those who do. I assume that all couples are doing all they can to provide well for their families and give them both quantity and quality time the best way they know how. We don’t live in a box. Technology makes sure our boxes can give a hug. (huggie emoticon here)
It will be a mistake for would-be couples not to have a serious talk about this before saying “I do.” The financial issues in tying the knot can and do ruin many couple’s “happily ever afters.” Hats off to the lucky few who are able to work it out.
So before you walk down the isle and look into her or his eyes, look inside yourself for answers to your financial readiness questions.
Our personal finance article today “Before you say goodbye to bachelorhood” answers a reader’s question:
Question: My girlfriend and I have been together for the past four years. We’d like to get married, of course, but when I think about the financial responsibility looming before me (e.g., have a big wedding, book a nice honeymoon spot, build a house, raise kids, etc.), I get overwhelmed. I only make enough for my lifestyle now. How can I support a family? What do you think should a bachelor prepare for financially before thinking of marriage? - Dan
Read the article for more tips on how to know if you’re financially ready for marriage and why debt and budgeting are big issues for those who will soon say “I do.”
Cheers!
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:57 pm
DB, i can totally relate!
i also kept my maiden name and people always wonder about it. I end up telling them that there is no law that states a woman should use her husband’s surname after marriage. And, of course, my husband does not mind. We find it amusing, in fact. Although if he did object i would respect his wishes. As i expect he would respect my wishes if we have any issues.
Sadly i do not earn more than him as yet. But i would surely want to. Not just to feel as an equal but as most liberated (and practical) women will attest to: Never ever be economically dependent on a man.
I would stay home though if the situation would warrant me to do so, that is when the kids are involved…
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
here’s another blog post which pretty much summarizes it for me — http://marriage.families.com/blog/bringing-home-the-bacon
and here’s a couple of lines I lifted from that post which pretty much sums up my thoughts on this :
“there’s no reason in the world that couples with dual careers do not succeed admirably. The problem is more with perception than anything else.”
“Marriage is a balancing act of internal and external commitments. Whether you work outside the home or inside it, couples establish their roles in a variety of ways.”
and just like most things in life, nothing beats teamwork. and key to achieving teamwork is understanding AND giving due respect to each and everyones role
my two cents worth
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm
for now i’ll go for B, in the future, E
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:01 pm
It depends on how much bacon is being brought home
If a single income is enough for the whole family’s lifestyle eh di ok. If not, the other spouse needs to help.
With regards to fancy-weddings-then-broke-after-the-honeymoon thingie, what many couples don’t realize is that money can be a deal breaker in a marriage. Love simply don’t cut it when things like bills, mortgages or tuition needs to be paid
Okay okay maybe I am just being cynical :))
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I work because I feel I’m going to go insane at home
My mom is also a working woman. I don’t have a baby yet but I will surely spend quality time with my baby when I already have one.
Another reason why I work is to be a financially independent woman.