(File photo from AFP)
a) Who has the big muscles? Of course, it should be the husband. The wife should stay home with the kids.
b) Do you live in the middle ages? Women can and should have equal rights to work outside the home. Brawn is no longer the world’s currency. Brain is.
c) Husband: There are no opportunities for me out there. Wifey has the upper hand in the labor market. I can stay home and take care of the kids.
d) Wife: I want to work but I am kept home against my will.
e) We are having the time of our lives. We are in business together.
f) Should this be an issue at all?
Globally, the definition and boundaries of the traditional family are in flux. There was a time when there were only two choices: for the wife to work or not. But the changes have opened many options to couples. Which is the ideal? Which is the reality? Which is true in your family?
I’m a traditional gal. I still think a mother should stay home with the children. Quantity time and not just quality time, matters. When the husband comes home from a stressful day at the office, her mind is more capable of understanding his need for comfort and quiet strength. Being stressed out from the demands of a career makes it tough to provide that kind of refuge for a spouse. On the flipside, when the wife is stressed due to motherhood, he has the objectivity to help deal with the issues.
But reality bites hard. Many families cannot make do with a single income these days. Many seek careers to prove their worth. A career that takes someone to other countries brings special challenges, too. Many wives decide to take up jobs for many other reasons.
I don’t stand in judgment for those who do. I assume that all couples are doing all they can to provide well for their families and give them both quantity and quality time the best way they know how. We don’t live in a box. Technology makes sure our boxes can give a hug. (huggie emoticon here)
It will be a mistake for would-be couples not to have a serious talk about this before saying “I do.” The financial issues in tying the knot can and do ruin many couple’s “happily ever afters.” Hats off to the lucky few who are able to work it out.
So before you walk down the isle and look into her or his eyes, look inside yourself for answers to your financial readiness questions.
Our personal finance article today “Before you say goodbye to bachelorhood” answers a reader’s question:
Question: My girlfriend and I have been together for the past four years. We’d like to get married, of course, but when I think about the financial responsibility looming before me (e.g., have a big wedding, book a nice honeymoon spot, build a house, raise kids, etc.), I get overwhelmed. I only make enough for my lifestyle now. How can I support a family? What do you think should a bachelor prepare for financially before thinking of marriage? - Dan
Read the article for more tips on how to know if you’re financially ready for marriage and why debt and budgeting are big issues for those who will soon say “I do.”
Cheers!
April 24th, 2008 at 11:27 am
G, thanks for the input. That was also a decision I had to make — whether to carry my maiden name or not. It was too long, though, and at the end of the day, it didn’t matter to anymore :).
April 24th, 2008 at 11:25 am
C_A, thank you for the link. it’s a very interesting website. i agree with everything you said
April 24th, 2008 at 11:24 am
troy, i’m very curious. Are you a he or a she?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:23 am
ldsguy, i love that proclamation
April 24th, 2008 at 11:22 am
DB, wisely said. I’m sure you also know that some men mind, and that we women don’t have to be cowed by that. At the end of the day, what’s important is that we can all push the cart along when the need arises, right? I have advised some couples about money issues and find that many Filipino men are still very “patriarchal” and while they think of themselves are “modern” beings, they still want women to be a part of their “kingdom” hehe.