Pennie Azarcon-dela Cruz
Executive Editor, Sunday Inquirer Magazine
YUP, this is one of those times when I’m actually glad I’m ancient and have committed my share of youthful indiscretions way way before video cameras made them easy fodder for the Net.
Not that the Katrina-Hayden video is anything new. Marcos started it all in the late ‘60s with his croaky “Pamulinawen” caught on a tape recording that his inamoratas, Dovie Beams, so generously shared with an amused nation. Then there were those betamax tapes—notably Vivian Velez and former Ilocos official Rudy Fariñas– the Dumaguete tapes, and of more recent vintage, the cellphone cameras showing Ethel Booba in flagrante delicious and Mahal in the shower (barf!).
So why all this chest-thumping rage on the one hand, and such furiously titillated downloading from the Net on the other?
Well, I guess people have had enough of the swine flu scare, and the peccadilloes of this male chauvinist swine was a welcome change. Which explains why this dangerous liaison has been hogging the headlines for three days now. Then there are the conspiracy theories and how Manny Villar had so wanted a distraction from the Senate, uhm…probe of his pork insertions (that image again), that he leaned on good friend Bong Revilla to spill the beans on the Katrina-Hayden video. What excelling timing, observers note, considering how rumors of the video’s existence have been floating around since December last year.
And of course, admit it, we’re all prurient creatures deep down despite our window-dressed Catholic upbringing, and can’t stop our raging hormones from seeking out the lewd, lecherous, libidinous, lusty and lubricious in our quotidian lives. Given all that, we’re just waiting for the honorable Justice Secretary to weigh in on the issue with his uniquely out-of-this-planet perspective before we lay it to rest.
In the meantime, what’s the full-blooded Viagra-energized couple to do when the urge to copulate strikes? Is that a smoke detector on the motel’s ceiling or a hayden camera? How are those sweet young things to know whether their Prince Charming of the moment isn’t really a pervert who’s recording all their thrashings for future gain? What are the new ethics on lovemaking in these times of covert recordings and instant downloading?
A few suggestions:
1. Make sure to conduct all lovemaking under a blanket. Take care that no heaving chests, throbbing appendages, slick and sweaty limbs and hirsute nether parts are visible to avoid any impression that you’re doing anything other than sleeping on that bed. You don’t want to give the bishops more nightmares than they can handle.
2. To save energy—in all sense of the word—turn off the lights before you so much as unhook a bra or slip into pajamas. To further frustrate the hayden camera that might have night vision capacity, cover up with a thick blanket as well, never mind if it feels like a sauna. Think of all the pounds you’re bound to lose the morning after.
3. Invest in masks and complete anonymity and turn foreplay into fun and games. A bayong like the Makapilis used during the Japanese occupation, or a Ku Klux Clan head cover might be a good idea for your mate, just in case he turns out to be a toad later. (Hah, let’s see how the DVD pirates are going to title that: Porky Pig and Minnie Mouse sex scandal?)
4. Be considerate of minors who might later be watching your video. Before starting anything scandalous, be sure to hold out a notice reading: “The following scenes contain adult material and may not be suitable for very young viewers. Parental advice is encouraged.” Due diligence is always appreciated.
5. Be sure to give credit where it’s due. Couldn’t Hayden have pentel-penned on Katrina’s perfectly flat tummy the words she was paid to mouth at every instance, i.e. “Body by Belo” ? He could have made a game of it, right? We’re sure Vicky would be grateful. Sayang! What a missed opportunity that was.
6. And finally, if you strongly suspect there’s a hayden camera but can’t locate it, relax, lie down and make sure you look really good. Check that your make up is flawless and that your undies are billboard-worthy. The whole world may be watching.
40 Feedbacks on "Lovemaking in the time of Hayden cameras"
Zucie
Extremely delighted for your editorial: the first sensible & unbiased commentary in the midst of the flurries of furious and titillating, Koh-blaming and Kat-elevating articles and the chest-thumping and rageful Bong Revilla rendition! Worst yet the Santiago outrage. Wow! even the Palace outrage!!! As if all of them and their likes heard about this for the first time and are shocked by it! What happened to the Dalagang Pilipina(lady)? Is she extinct? I am not so innocent myself to say that even the Dalagang Pilipina has no escapades! But as you so well advised: Keep it decent and within ethical bounds albeit steaming and unforgettable! Would we have a problem unless we are underage, subnormal, psychotic, physically disadvantaged & disabled,etc.. Attention lawmakers! Kat is attractive, “fast & experienced worker”. She knew Kho was attached & irresistible & persuasive. He is a male and intact with no need for Viagra to function; never mind his “unethical ways na masarap”. To gain respect even from these kind of men, which are plentiful any where even in PH, women have to surmount their own hormonal hotties and be responsible for their actions and follow your suggestions. …unless this predicament is habitual and these type of females never learn!! Next victim…By the way, they come in pairs or threesomes or more. We win some. We lose some. Let us all be grown-up and be responsible for our actions and accept the consequences like real ladies and gentlemen. Let us protect those and only those who truly need protection, i.e., the underage (esp. the children), the subnormal, the physically handicapped, the mentally handicapped, and the likes who are most likely the real victims. True love is pure and clean. So is honest love-making. It takes two. Get it?
Kay
“A hayden camera”… I love it! I had just read the more serious editorial on the same topic before reading this. This is so funny!
Rolly Coronica MD DPBO
Hahaha…. Witty!
Alfred
Hahaha you are Pennie funny. Thanks for making me laugh today.
michael
know what? i think this hayden-cam i mean hidden cam enhusiast hayden kho scandal is an all-out maneuvers of vicky belo to expose the celebrities link to him.
as of now, i wonder why kho and belo are close again after the katrina denials and before the file is exposed on the net. perhaps there is a belo -kho scandal still but is averted by belo itself to be made a salu-salu by all the tech addicts and learners.
it is belo who made it to public to stop kho from hurting her while attempting to protect her chance of being viewed on widescreen.
know, everyone who have been in “katri” (bed in english) with hayden kho had a film not yet divulge. i’m sure ladies, all of you who have been part of hayden desires had your screening on the net whether to ready for airing or kept for future use.
Gabriela
Right on tita! This scandal should be viewed as a deterrent rather than a reason to add more stupid laws for our already flawed justice system to misuse and abuse. Yes, no doubt the term male chauvinist swine term is most appropriate. And definitely more befittingly describe the good senator who’s drumming up the cause of women.
One the other hand, what would you use to describe an extreme feminist like that AT LARGE HOG who writes for the Inquirer? Her opinions are always extremely biased to the cause of feminist.
Trisha
I would have to add to that the SENATE is not a place to tackle personal issues like this.
It’s just sad though, that Senator Bong Revilla had to waste his privilege speech on the Senate on condemning Hayden Kho. He should have presented reforms or suggested making laws on cyberspace and the like. He is a goverment official and he should be serving his country instead of acting like Katrina Halili’s lawyer.
Also, they keep on insisting harassment and abuse etc etc. In context, harassment and abuse are acts where the women or children are forced. I so believe that any act that are done by two person with consent makes them both morally liable for THAT act and does not go in the boundaries of “ABUSE and HARASSMENT”.
noel
If I may add:
To pre-empt untoward comments relative to any perceived poor performance (almost to the point of rigor mortis), make sure that you are on performance level. Heave and writhe if you must, you owe it to yourself (and to your DVD audience) that you are worth more than ogling on. With or without knowledge of any strategically-located electronic contraption, such display of unbridled enjoyment helps.
And please refrain from using syrupy songs as a background for foreplay. Choose better titles, maybe something from “Bone thugs n harmony” - pun intended - would be better heard wafting through the Bose speakers. Pleasure should not be yours, audiences should be considered.
Lastly, why not make money out of it? Remember, no such thing as a free lunch. or a free peep and unlawful distribution of pirated copies for that matter.
ian
too funny! lol. i didn’t watch the video nor have any intention to. but apparently it is being downloaded “furiously” as i get blow by blow comments and reviews from cabbie drivers (whether i want to listen or not).
it’s interesting how the terms “pervert” and “crazy” are being thrown around in the media nowadays when that guy’s name comes up. it makes the “insanity plea” route all the more plausible. honestly, i don’t know if that’s worse or better than going to jail. i guess i’ll just wait for the Justice Secretary’s opinion for guidance.
great read!
mollyboy
natawa ako dun sa #6 Lol! =)
katkat
cool suggestions…especially the last part..i guess a lot of them are very cautious about it right now…or worst are in abstinence…
sam
korny
cherry diao
re the tiresome hayden kho brouhaha, pennie azarcon-de la cruz provided the early morning guffaw i seldom get. thank you, pennie.
Tristan
Haha…nice suggestions….
virtual-me
Dont forget the perfect audio ambiance that still rocks with CARELESS WHISPERS.
ike suarez
Hi Ms. Peeny:
Interesting commentary. I liked your piece.
I used to contribute to the magazines you edited years back BTW.
Nice to get in touch with you again.
Cheers.
ike suarez
Hi Ms. Penny:
Sorry for the typo error on your name.
Ike
therese
great suggestions! hehehe
Love in the time of Kho: sex, lies and pirated DVDs « Everything Queer
[...] Editor Pennie Azarcon-dela Cruz’s tips on dodging the Hayden Khos this world on her blog post “Lovemaking in the time of Hayden cameras” (full post in the link [...]
Love in the time of Kho: sex, lies and pirated DVDs (part 2 – or my own tips on how NOT to get caught making love on cam) « Everything Queer
[...] you may recall, I posted Inquirer editor Pennie Azarcon-de la Cruz’s tips (“Lovemaking in the time of Hayden cameras”) on how NOT to get caught having sex with potential Hayden Kho cameras lurking in the room. To [...]
Mitch
I enjoyed this blog post so much I added some of my own ideas, to wit (this is abridged, for full blog post, go to ngarud.wordpress.com):
1. Explore the joys of solo sex. Stay at home and love yourself some more!
2. Discover the art of achieving pleasure, without actually going all the way. Time to order overseas copies of “Kama Sutra”, Japanese Pillow Books, and books on tantric sex on the internet and drive the government nuts with the overwhelming book tax on said books.
3. Phone sex. What better way to stay away from sex video scandals? Unless you are a politician, your phone gets wire-tapped and some conscientious journalist gets hold of it and broadcasts it for the whole nation to hear. In which case, you must have an exit strategy involving a State of the Nation Address, a Charter Change and the best damn apology the nation has ever seen.
4. Be more creative. Try some S&M, and role playing.
5. And when all fails, abstinence is best. Sure, you will always be grumpy and unfulfilled, and you will always feel like you need release, but aside from keeping the Catholic Church happy, you can sleep knowing that you live to fight another sex-scandal-free day.
garree rivera
senate inquiry on kho-halili internet leak. what a waste of government time and money. something purely private becomes a senate inquiry? what a bunch of idiots: of senators and a “couple” stupid enough to even show up. and a self righteous- baptizing mayor of moronic proportions to boot. what is wrong with you people!!!
Dinah
ha ha, i like your suggestions!
diabler
6.1 …and tie a placard with the name of your favorite enemy, e.g. “ako si RJ”
cecille
What a funny way of protecting oneself from a Hayden cam. I love it. lol
David B Katague
I love your style of writing, funny and very creative used of words, but also informative.
Have a good day!
Paul Pena
Dear Editor,
I think a lot of people have had enough of what Chesterton said about “vulgar and useless externals”.
We need articles or suggestions that are enlightening, those that could raise the level of culture of the succeeding generations. They are the young people who could be your children, nephews or nieces, or neighbors. We have to keep in mind that they are most vulnerable to such forms of media.
We need a clean layer of air to breathe, a clean pool of water to swim, and ideas that uplift the human spirit.
I’m sure you will agree.
acero
Hayden camera … I like that. Who knows you may have spawned a whole bunch of modified phrases based on this, eg., “hayden agenda”, “hayden feelings”, etc. How about using it as a verb, like, say, when giving advice to a pretty young thing: “Better check the room carefully, you don’t want to be haydened”.
deewai
good one. haha
Richard
LOVERS BEWARE!!!
Most motels and hotels in Manila are bugged and installed with hidden cameras. So beware your lovemakings are being video-taped. These video tapes end up in the hands of producers of porno movies.
Rudy Garcia
The authorities should do something about hidden video cameras in almost all motels in Metro Manila installed to watch the lovemaking of couples.
Lovers beware you’re being watched while doing your thing.
Abraham Ortiz
Lovers and married couples should do it in their homes to avoid voyers and international viewers.You could do anything when you do it there.aside from that ,you can even practice not to ejaculate.Yes there is a way how not to ejaculate! So you see you are surprised isn’t it?The problems with people is that they do it in motels and hotels without thinking that they will be recorded.Recorders have been there before the time of Marcos!Only thing is that, they were not produce and spread like today.
Joey G
The Hayden-Halili tapes was not a first timer in the showbiz. There are others that were made but do not have distribution, except for personal use only, because in the first place, there were no computers before; secondly, WHAT FOR?
I guess Belo is not contented in paying much for her ads expense, and coupled by her being a maniac for wordly things, perhaps. Getting a younger man (Kho) which can satisfy her own orgasm, make her young spiritually, and gain fame and fortune doing it. Whew!
Belo is making a fuss for free advertising.
What a shame for Belo to show her being called a “maniac” in getting sex publicly.
ruben/antipolo
yes,iagree with your observation, people now now seems so liberated that good morals and ethics are no longer followed.if only we can fully implement restrictions and laws we can probably lessen the macho instinct of some
Pinoy sa Disyerto
Tumpak! one has to be wise…or even wiser these days. If you can’t get over your libido, just make sure you still look gorgeous even behind the camera. You’ll never know, the entire world may really be watching every lewd and horny acts you’re doing that will turn out to be a scandal.
dulce
Hahaha. What is a girl to do nowadays? Life has become more complicated. Whether we like it or not, society has changed. Pinoys love to see themselves on cam.
I wonder all these so called “perversion” will be viewed years from now?
ram
..it is amusing to note that these sex video scandals proliferates long before , yet there was no any single law that our honorable legislators has ever carfted, it is long queue pending on their desk, I think this will not comes out if their is no absolute motive in doing so,much less it has a purpose driven by the desire to expose one’s humuliating,embarrassing & to the point of having a reason to make some sort of black mail as well . I think they are all victims here…I don’t believe that only the person caught in the videos are not aware of what his/her partner is doing while in bed?? I’d rather advise Katrina to shut her mouth & move forwward, her stigma was already their , we saved all the video files?and what else?can we ask for more?it’s a bitter lesson to her not to engaged sex whom a relationship with someone…..
victor manalac
you’re good. here’s one to add — “hayden dragon crouching tiger” as a spoof sequel to a famous film. this time jump and fly all over the room , stripping clothes off while doing “catch me if you can” steps instead of singing “careless whisper”.
seriously, what they had was wrong. it was treachery against a mutual friend , vicki. so, one treachery gave birth to another - the video. bad maketh bad. consensual act resulting into mutually deserving consequences.
people still keep buying the dvd’s.
alia
“hayden” is so synonymous to negative effects..poor name..i bet no one will use that name forever..same as lewinsky ..
rey-mar
nice one!!!!…but if theres a HAYDEN CAMERA, i would love to be the BIDA!!!!….hahaha, look theres muscles everywhere!!!!..hehehe…
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