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By Ruel S. De Vera, Associate Editor Sunday Inquirer Magazine BOY, we love to blow stuff up, don’t we? The firecracker ban that the government says is being enforced every year is like nuns buried in the schoolyard: You hear about it all the time but there is no evidence of it. Though it seems terribly KJ of us, there are Filipinos who genuinely dislike firecrackers, even as children. Fireworks we can get behind—those sky shows with the brilliant shards falling to the ground—and quite impressive. But the noisy stuff? Pass. Note that not all the items on this list are illegal. Actually only items 8 to 10 are patently illegal. But each form of firecracker (they go pop or boom) or pyrotechnic (they burn bright) has its own pros and cons. Perhaps the best advice for all is to not hold them while lighting them and, even better, to light them from a distance using a really looong stick. Body armor, ear protectors (drummers have these) and maybe fireproof gloves would be useful too. Then again, I really like just staying indoors and watching the sparks up in the sky. I admit it, the loud stuff makes me go argghh. So here is the scaredy cat’s (that’s me) field guide to paputok and rebentador.

1. Watusi: Also known as Chinese or dancing firecrackers and shares the watusi name with a weird American dance (presumably because the exploding cracker seems to be dancing erratically). There are actually people who are afraid of this friction-triggered jumping bean of a firecracker. Known as much for its ease of activation (just take a little piece, put it on the ground, put your slippered foot on top and then pull it back), watusi jumps around in crazy angles, ricocheting off surfaces with a flat “crack” sound. Burns out very fast. Very useful for practical jokes. Usually bought wrapped in foil. Has been proven to be quite poisonous if swallowed due to its phosphorus content, a constant danger because the pieces are really small.
2. Luces: Literally, Spanish for “lights.” These are your good old-fashioned hand-held sparklers. Consists of a stick where the top part is covered with the solidified powder and a bottom part that is all stick for you to hold. Once lit, sends sparks flying around a short distance. Quality sparklers keep burning for a bit; badly made ones burn out quickly, produce an acrid smell and lots of smoke. Also be vigilant of not burning your fingers as the powder is used up; some sparklers have been known to burn all the way to the tip held by people. Usually sold in gaily-decorated boxes. Have shrunk over time.
3. Roman Candles: Sort of like longer, more powerful cousins of the sparklers. Usually over a foot in length, these colorful tubes, once lit, send large sparks enough to light up a backyard or front lawn. There are two types. One kind just burns consistently like the sparkler. The other, more popular kind sends little fireballs on regular intervals. The fireballs often carry quite far so it is important not to point the roman candle at anyone and not to point it at inflammable things. The proper way of using it is to hold it up at an angle, usually 45 degrees, so the fireballs go up as if climbing an incline. Some even make a “whump” sound when disgorging a fireball. The better-made ones last longer and send fireballs farther. Do not put down a roman candle until it has gone completely out. It is not unusual for a seemingly inert candle to suddenly burst back into flame. Very effective when pretending to be a magician or pretending to be battling other candle wielders.
4. Kwitis: While the phrase itself is often applied to pretty much any kind of sparkly pyrotechnic, there is a more specific reference. Properly applied, the term applies to a larger, stationary, bamboo-derived iteration of the roman candle that is very common in the provinces.
5. Fountain: These conical crackers send sparks up into the air once lit. The traditional thinking is the larger the fountain the higher and brighter the sparks will be. Not necessarily true. Sometimes will act like a roman candle in that it will send fireballs shooting into the air. Often burns in stages of varying intensity. It is mostly quiet save for the sound of the sparks. Except, this is, for its notorious variant known as the…
6. Crying Cow: Perhaps the noisiest of the pyrotechnics, the Crying Cow is essentially a fountain that makes an ear-splitting sound as it burns, a sound that people describe as being the crying of a cow. It is, quite frankly, a horrendous and loud sound, perhaps verging on the obscene. And that is probably why the telltale sound is very popular as a horn for jeepneys.
7. Trumpillo: These are essentially roman candles attached to a tree or other such station which allows the pyrotechnic, when lit, to go round and round, forming a sparking circle. Also called “trompillo,” though what has to do with the nightshade or the Bolivian city is not clear. Note: do not approach until the pyrotechnic has completely burnt out and come to a complete stop.
8. Triangulo: A visually apt name for the basic Filipino firecracker. So called because the powder was put inside paper which was then folded into a triangular shape with the wick sticking out at the end. Often lit and then thrown by hand before owner scampers away before the triangulo explodes. It might be a better idea to leave it and then light it and this particular firecracker has shown a tendency to actually ignite the moment it is lit. Most notorious for taking out a finger or two. Also note that if holding the triangulo with one hand and then lighting it with a lighter or match in the other hand, make sure to throw the triangulo and not the lighter. The larger, more macho incarnation of the triangulo (with the matching boom) is called the Super Lolo.
9. Boga: The modern version of the traditional kawayan na kanyon (literally a bamboo cannon), a hollowed out bamboo barrel filled with powder. Usually a communal project, either by barkadas, barangays or barrios, the cannon has no projectiles but instead lighting it just makes a really big boom. The last few years have seen the development of the next generation, the boga which substitutes a huge PVC pipe for the bamboo barrel. Both the bamboo and PVC version have on drawback: they have a tendency to simply go boom when lit if made incorrectly. Having a medical professional nearby would be wise as well.
10. Sinturon ni Hudas: The most evocative of all the names for firecrackers, the sinturon ni Hudas (literally, “The Belt of Judas”) is a string of triangulos and Super Lolos, designed to be lit once and then go off, one after the other. The scare factor is increased by the length of the sinturon. There are sinturons which have been known to go off—and keep going off—for the better part of an hour really loudly. Almost sure to make you deaf for at least 15 minutes. Just really, really loud, loud, loud, loud.

Final note: When all the festivities are done, the skies quiet and the gunpowder gone, don’t forget to clean your ears and your nostrils. Don’t saw we didn’t warn you. Mark the New Year with our Best of 2008 in the December 28, 2008 issue of the Sunday Inquirer Magazine.