Dear Expat

By Pam Galisim

I spent the first couple of minutes trying to figure out a connection between our asymptotic views. Thought I’d tell you what I was thinking that day and you replied to me by telling me of your passionate hatred towards my country…then I realized, “Simply Dear Expat, It’s the Philippines and you are from a different country, don’t take it any seriously ok?!”. I’m hoping that by thinking like that all diversified disconnections, like our cultures (or the lack thereof) suddenly will be justified. But on one end, maybe you just wanted a spontaneous sharing of thoughts. I don’t claim to be an expert but having lived here for the past 28 years spurred me to share this to you, my dear transient friend.

In this spirit, I’d say that I have no further reaction than an insight of your hatred being a function of such “familiarity- breeding contempt”. I have a friend who has gone to a marriage counseling session over her “defunct” marital relationship. Their counselor told her and her husband that you can tell if a couple will last a year, two or so by observing how they are with each other for the next 15 minutes. The observer would just have to take note of facial expressions, sighs which convey hints of contempt. Basically to see how much the couple can stand each other. At this, they would be advised if the relationship is still healthy of not.

My point? In “‘Expat time scale”, a year or a little over is probably enough to render all the signs of contempt (should there be any) from a love-hate relationship that you’ve built with this country through time. Indeed , it is also possible that you haven’t stayed in another country (other than your home) long enough to say it is better or, you have probably stayed in this country far too long to see so much of its flaws and realize how you just can’t live with it. At which case, like any couple with such contempt, your relationship with this country is no longer healthy (for you, at the most part). So before even nudging a nonchalant comment about this country to any Pinoy or Pinay, think, think and think…how long have you been here?There is nothing more this country can do to make you love or at least accept it. Especially if it’s your choice to look at the dark side of things (e.g. traffic, pollution, corruption, hypocrisy etc). Despite the friendships you’ve formed, all the nice beaches and the affordable hobbies you can nurture, this country is or will soon be an “ex-lover” you can’t wait to get rid of . The Philippines, however, will owe you no favors even if you start loving it; neither will it disappear in some dismal universe the more you curse it to its bones by over analyzing it. Either way, ordinary Pinoy parents can only continue to tell their kids to make this country if not the world a better place, corrupted politicians will tell their kids how noble their candy-coated jobs are while the middle-class will still struggle for a blind hope that things can only get better. When will it end? Please don’t look at me.

At the end of the day, it is you dear Expat who will grow tired and waste your measly days away should you keep digging. Thinking of the lawless, barbaric ways of this country is like going down a bottomless pit of disgusting flaws that could drain you, just by thinking about it. Perhaps it doesn’t take 28 years or a defunct marriage to merit giving an advice like this, only a diplomatic desire to “love where you are at”.

So much said, maybe a couple of points missed, it would help to know what really you are looking for in a country. In the end, like an ex-lover who has made years of your life hell, you might even thank this country whose insane qualities became your stimuli to find your ideal home.

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